you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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