I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
