Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
