a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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