saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
