I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
