friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
