How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
