Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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