Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
