You smell like a Billy Joel song
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
