The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
