Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
