I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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