They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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