I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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