I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
