3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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