Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
