he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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