FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
