So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Still dying that you shit outside
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
