Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
