She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just gargled with NyQuil
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
