That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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