I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
