I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
