Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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