If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize