We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
