Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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