Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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