Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
