His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
