i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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