My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I forget how to act sober
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
