my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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