apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
