i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
