guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
