Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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