alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
