Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
