Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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