Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
