So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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