Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
