I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
