def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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