kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize