moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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