Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
