i just had sex bonerless
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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