at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
