Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize