11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
