it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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