i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
