Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
