it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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