im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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