if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They have beer where we have blood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
