My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
