Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
