super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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