Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
