I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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