Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did I show you my penis last night?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
